Yoyo I’m here after a month. Yay and yay. I think when I’m not in the greatest place I find it hard to blog… sorta like I find it hard to be relational. Been in and out and more often in the pit of recent-ness. I think I found it hard to cope for a while there after finishing uni… sorta not knowing what was what and where to go from now. I’m mega-stoked about finishing but yeh it’s still change and change is always hard. I think also I’ve been discouraged with ministry and getting a bit of a taste of burn-out. Just a taste… and it’s ok.

All that said God is and has been faithful through it all. Also my fam and Laura have stuck by me and I’m very thankful for that. I haven’t walked away from God or stopped praying or serving or anything… but my attitude hasn’t been the greatest and I’ve thought about giving up… I think perhaps I’ve come to understand just a little more why people do give up… why it all becomes just a bit too hard.

Last night I had an opportunity to speak at another youth group. I didn’t want to do it and could have said no numerous times… but I decided that it was an opportunity to help get out of the rut I’d been in. SO, I prayed and prepared and went along. At the start of the night I was feeling worthless and not up the task at all. But I decided I was just going to do it regardless of how it went or how I felt.

At the end of the night there was an altar call. I went up first, knelt straight up, stuck my hands in the air and cried out to Jesus. There was never any other way out and deep down I knew that… but being in a different environment helped me get where I needed to be: on my knees. God touched me, spoke through one of the youth leaders at the church and I came away encouraged and up for what’s next. Thank You Jesus.

This is all about You Lord. This is all about the Kingdom. This is all about Rom 12:1.

Recently I’ve also been identifying once again with the John Reuben lyric that’s below. You know how procrastination is the thief of time? Well… over-analysis is the thief of joy.

6 years
41 units
89 prac days

TWO DEGREES

Thank You Jesus

And then there was me:
Analyzing life more than I was living.
Anything possibly good,
I destroyed before the chance was ever given.

See, if I never have anything,
I’ll never have to lose anything;
but then again if I never had anything worth losing
I guess I lost everything.

Either way, you could say,
Pain will become a result from both,
So actually I’m giving in to the very thing that I fear the most:
Losing it all,
Everything,
Completely unaware,
That a fear of failure was the one thing that was taking me there.

Fear of life,
Fear of love,
Fear of man,
Failure to relate
How I and God, and His voice to me
Would even begin to translate.

So I wait
To escape
This condition of rationalizing my own destruction.
But I keep on listening to the voices that don’t deserve my discussion.

I don’t like being so wrapped up in my own stuff that I forget the important things happening in the lives of those around me who I love. I know it’s life and I know we all have times of concentrated focus on achieving certain goals and that’s all ok…but I don’t want people to be disregarded or devalued in the process.

are very impressive live

I just finished tidying up the loose ends from my big room clean. Why did I procrastinate doing it so incredibly? I think because in my head the task had become something bigger than what it was… that I’d put off cleaning for soooo long, a tidy, functional room had almost become a hopeless prospect. I think perhaps I was also running away…

I think I’ve been running away somewhat from what’s coming (procrastinating my life?)… I’m about to finish uni, marriage is in the picture, career, fatherhood, ministry… aaaahh!!

But you know what? It’s ok. I want my future. And it IS GOOD. Thank You Jesus for Your incredible faithfulness and your promises.

I think procrastination is one of my favourite topics…

What helped me tackle this project? Getting tired of running… God helping me to want my future… the encouragement and support of fam, Laura, mates… really DECIDIING to persevere, to plod, to press on… to lay hold of what’s to come.

“Have I not called you?”

I’m not sure how to start this.

Woohoo!!

Yeh that’s pretty good.

After more than a year of my room being an absolute mess, and about five months since I last slept in my own bed (because of said mess!) I can finally say that my room is clean!! Throughout the process I must have thrown out over 20 Mt Franklin bottles and about a tonne of paper!

It is a very good feeling… and just in time for my final 3 week practicum block which was my goal.

HUGE thanks to Dad, Mum, Sal, Dave, Laura, Tanz, Annie and Pete for your tireless encouragement… and for collectively being a (very helpful!) annoyance.

Over the past six months I’ve averaged 258 visitors/month to SparK’s Pinky & the Brain Wav Files! It’s been visited by people from Israel to Singapore to Germany to Cananda, and I think that’s brill for the little site from ‘99! C’mon, you know you wanna hear Pinky say, “I think so Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?” Go check it out!

(Btw, P&B is now available on DVD from Amazon… still waiting for zone 4 to catch up.)

I know this is perhaps a tired subject but I don’t care. I realised once again last night as I wasn’t going to sleep that my procrastination often grows out of fear of what’s to come. And why am I afraid? Frequently it’s because I feel ill-prepared for my next (often new) task. Why? Mainly because of my lack of organisation or application in a certain area, due perhaps to less-than-good attitudes or faulty self-perceptions.

Today I did it afraid. And it was good.